Myles and I decided to use some vacation days, rent a car and enjoy the freedom of the road this past weekend. Myles got to surf a bit at a beach near by although the weather was crumby. We got to spend some time in a friend's Peace Corps community for one of the most cultural festivals in Panama. It was amazing from the singing, dresses, dances and bull fights! The weekend was a lot of fun and I am so content with our decision to go on vacation in Panama. Tonight we are going to celebrate the birth of Mr. Shuler with some Monday Night Football: Packers vs. Bears!!!! Wooohooo. Cait and Alan come in a little over a week and I can't really express my excitement. A post will follow in the weeks to come. Stay cool, as I sweat my behind off! Peace and Love from Panama.
Lincoln and Bert (JWB) are doing well. They love each other more than they love me! We had a party at a neighboring elementary school for Dia del Campasino. I posted some pictures of the cultural dancing and dress. The kids were adorable!
This next week my middle school is part of an English Competition I have been preparing them for-wish us luck! And next weekend is the largest cultural festival in the country. Myles and I will be near by so he can surf for his birthday. Hopefully I will have some good pictures to share with you all afterward! Ok, bye for now.
Sometimes all it takes is one person to make an effort, to change your attitude. Recently I have been struggling on different levels – missing home, attempting to apply to graduate school from Panama with no Internet access, trying to balance my duties as a part of Peace Corps and being a community member. Trying to remain positive and motivated, always having a smile on my face has recently caught up with this Volunteer. The best way to describe it, I feel defeated, deflated. Basically I am an old flat tire tossed in a ditch on the side of the Interstate! Man oh man these people weren’t kidding about the difficulty of the job when I was applying. As volunteers we often refer to our service as a rollercoaster. One day you are up and just as easily the next you feel like the algae on the bottom of your water bucket.
August was a tough month and the fall is looking just as rough, therefore I am taking some of my own advice. I am going to write about how I am feeling and I am going to list the bad and the great parts of my life right now…
It has taken me a long time to truly understand my community, more specifically my role as the American or gringa here. As a Volunteer I have work that is expected of me in my community as well as on an office level. Add this to attempting to apply to graduate school, juggling vacation and visits from friends and family, trying to see my boyfriend, needless to say I don’t feel capable of catching up. Nor do I feel that it is possible to be great at all of these things. Mainly because it is not possible for me to be everything to everyone and I hate it. The multi-tasking, perfectionist in me somehow believes I am completely capable of doing it all perfectly well because I keep taking on more commitments! My main issue is the fact that I only have nine months left to do all the things I want to do in my community AND to see all the parts of Panama I have yet to visit. Who can I borrow some time from?!
It is a weird feeling, the growth I feel. It is as if I grew from baby to adult in less than two years and no longer fit into anything I own. At the same time I am not quite ready to get rid of my belongings. I just recently fell into the complete swing of things and already I am on the next chapter, already I have to start figuring out what my life will look like next.
My frustrations:
-I feel like I have spent so much time explaining what my job is that I never really got to start my job until now.
-My Spanish is ok. Definitely not where I had the benchmark set for myself.
-I am working with Middle School students and can honestly say I have never experienced such a lack of motivation, EVER.
-I am exhausted as an English teacher. I am beginning to resent my first language. Seriously, that is not cool.
-I am SO BROKE.
-We have not had running water for over a month now. Gross.
Looking at the Bright Side:
-I started an awesome leadership development group for girls in my middle school and it is going smashingly.
-Today a student came to my house because he wants to participate in the English Contest in David in September. He left my house and I heard him reading the poem in English out loud on his walk home. It is difficult to put it into words but that boy brought me back to the basics today. His enthusiasm, his willingness, his sincerity are all reasons I am doing what it is I do.
-If I do get accepted to any of the graduate programs I am applying to I will be given the opportunity to continue development work from a whole new level.
-I have been able to have visitors come visit me, and that would have been very different in the Republic of Georgia.
-No matter how good or bad my Spanish may be, I speak Spanish now. WOOHOO. Right?
-Money never has and never will determine who I am or what I become. Let’s be honest all I have ever really known is being broke. I would just be awkward if I had a plethora of money.
-There is an awesome breeze right now and my kitten is sleeping on my lap.
Well, as you can see the good clearly out weighs the bad. But is that not normally the case? My life is so different here and I love it. I miss home quite a bit but will be there soon enough! Suppose I’ll just keep on truckin’… gotta keep yo head up Bubba.
Okay, time to study for the GRE like yesterday! Peace Out Homies.
I introduce you all to Panamanian Folklore dancing, and Bert aka Pedro aka John Wilkes Booth. The newest and most adorable member of my beach family. We have had a great time getting to know each other and he loved playing in Andy's hat the week he was visiting! This cute little kitten sleeps on my neck at night and I have become a little too attached. Andy leaves on Wednesday and I am back to being on my own again. We had a great time together, played cards, went to the beach and played baseball on the beach with my community. Nothing too new and exciting going on down here for me at the moment. Still teaching English, trying to put together an English teacher's training seminar in January and started a girls leadership group in my middle school. I have high hopes for the group and my goal is be able to bring the girls to the Panama Canal in the next year. Most of them have never even been to the City nearest our community, let alone to Panama City. It would be a great way to open their eyes to opportunities right on their own soil! With that I will be signing off, not very much to share. Things are going well!
So I turned 24 and had the best 11th birthday party EVER. My students and some community members surprised me by showing up to my house with dinner made, drinks, cake, jello and a pinata! Very fun. We danced and ate a ton.
Other than that not too much has been going on. My actually birthday was very calm and relaxed. Myles and I just watched the soccer games and went swimming. It was a nice two days. Now back to more teaching and studying. Yes, I am aware that I am super duper cool. hah.
I had a whirlwind visit at home. Time moves so much faster in America. In all honestly, it was completely overwhelming. Wonderful to see people – horrifying to realize how disconnected I’ve been this last year. The music, electronics, cars, labels, and advertisements… you get the picture. Things just don’t move like that down here when I am in my hammock or teaching English. When all is said and done, Tim’s graduation was great, Amanda flew out from Colorado to visit (So Awesome!) and Cait and Alan’s wedding was gorgeous. It was so perfect to begin and end my trip with two meaningful events. And I am very grateful that things seem to be going well for everyone up North!
Coming back I dealt with more shock, of course, just as I get my feet on the ground again. Jeeze. Can’t a girl catch a break here guys?! I fell right back into Peace Corps work with the new training group and one year medical exams. Don’t worry I passed inspection. Surprise! All the engines are running full steam ahead. I finally got back to my community and was so excited to see my puppy and my people! It was strange to feel an immediate parallel with my life at home. Nothing has changed here at all in a month and after a week at home I felt the same way, not much had changed. Sure, the superficial things change but people are still who they are, for the most part. OK, Twitch and Tiger (our senior year kittens) are MASSIVE, domestic BEASTS living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. I jokingly gave Kari and Fran a hard time about how fat the cats are, but seriously, they are the biggest cats I think I have ever seen. (Taken into account that they live in a very tiny apartment might add to the illusion…the verdict is still out on that one.)Anyway, like I was saying, the fundamental things, the core our lives revolve around does not alter all that much and that brings me peace. There are so many times I feel so disconnected in terms of family, friends and life in general in the States. It was reassuring to know that everyone has a version of Ground Hog’s Day in the USA as well.
This week we had a few parties in the school, a fundraiser and then a Father’s Day celebration. There was a Reinita (Little Queen) contest between the elementary schools on my peninsula and some native Panamanian dances. I have attached photos for your viewing pleasure. I also attached a photo of yet another snake I have had to kill in my house. Rainy season is in full affect and I have yet to chop down the tall grass around my house so the suckers feel free to roam. This little guy was ballsy enough to enter my house the other morning. He was met not with coffee and eggs; he was met with my MACHETE. Yeah, I capitalized it to emphasize just how AWESOME it is, so don’t scoff at me people. One can lose their life out here in the jungle if they’re not careful…or don’t carry their MACHETE!!!!
All right enough of the crazy talk. Nothing else too bit or exciting going on down here…I am just teaching a ton of English right now and training teachers. We shall see how year two ends up.
