Stokesville 2009 and beyond!!

I cannot express in words what it was like to see a familiar face while Katie Stokes was here. You all have her to thank for taking pictures during her time here; I was WAY too lazy. Weird, I know.
What a whirlwind of fun and emotion. We got to visit different parts of the country and she got a very “Peace Corps” vacation. Poor woman, I am forever indebt to her for putting up with all the crap that is involved with being a volunteer – including my awesome friends here. There is a bit of a stigma that goes along with this job, the isolation unfortunately makes the reunions like any other job…when you see your co-workers that is your common vein. Needless to say most of us find it hard not to “talk shop” when we are congregating. Thank GOD, Kate laughed it off and put up with us because she was a blessing for me these past few weeks.
We blew spit balls in fine establishments together, we played way too many card games, we made fun of pretty much everyone under the sun, we traded music, we traveled to both ends of this Republic and reeked havoc every single time. The one place she really wanted to go was…FINE. We had a pretty bad run of luck in the mountains. Mini rundown of events:
1. We show up with a reservation at a Hostel 6:30pm – Not one freakin’ person present to welcome us with the beds we had paid for. Super Duper.
2. We end up at a family-run joint, just peachy, right? Not so. BED BUGS FOR 3 DAYS. It also just happened to be located on the main street. The 3 days we were there were national holidays…this involved loud drums and tambourines starting before sunrise. Real Cool, Panama.
3. It rained every single day starting as soon as the parades ended, hence the urgency to start the party at 5:30am, right?? WRONG, just postpone the darn thing. Due to intense rains we could not hike.
4. Due to intense rains we were informed after we had risen from bed at 6am, that our rafting trip was canceled.
5. Kate finds out she has lost track of a good chunk of change. We ask everyone only to get incredibly defensive responses. So we got afternoon cocktails. What else do you do when it is raining Panamanian babies and empanadas? I mean cats and dogs…ooopps.
Don’t worry there is a light at the end of this ugly tunnel. We did in fact go rafting the day we left and it was amazing. The river was raging and so were we! After we finished tearing up the river we headed to my community. There was a festival and MORE parades and such. The whole month of November here is a party. Independence days, Separation days, etc., etc. so eventually we joined in! We watched the parades and a rodeo with a drunk cross dresser and ended Kate’s trip with a dance where we danced the night away/danced with men who were too drunk to stand up on their own. I felt like nurses who work in nursing homes must feel, way too much effort to actually enjoy “dancing”.
We played with Michael Jackson (the baby I named after the artist due to his birth occurring immediately after Michael’s death) and Kate obtained a few boyfriends. She even had stalkers! Way too go Stokes, the phantom blonde drops in to my place, steals hearts and flees, unbelievable. Uncouth Stokes, uncouth.
All in all, memories were made, my English got better, my Spanish got worse. I am still teaching English, I still like it here and I am still finding a way to eat as much pizza as I can when I get out of my community. Some things will never change I suppose.
And some things will, my baby bro turned 22, gross. Timbo is also finishing up his college football career, also gross. I keep throwing up in my mouth a little bit. He is so…old. GROSS!!! I see all these pictures of him and my baby cousins getting all tall and stuff, getting braces off…STOP IT ALREADY. Everyone else is supposed to stay frozen in time while I keep moving, right? MOTION DENIED. The world keeps rotating and people get old and change instantaneously. Maybe it is really the opposite, I am like Peter Pan down here, refusing to participate in the growing up part of our culture; solid job, my own mahogany desk with nice family pictures framing the edges, marriage, kids, long term commitment. Ouch, I just felt a shot penetrating through my arm, minor heart attack no big deal.
I figure I will have the rest of my life to catch up to the rest of society-- I will not have the rest of my life to live like this. No sir, can’t just pick up and go with a husband and tots on your heals or at your side. Admittedly, it does not help having everyone asking me why I don’t have kids and how soon I am going to start…if you know me at all you know not to tell me what I should or should not do because I will make sure to do the opposite. Nope, stubbornness unfortunately, is inherent and like a bad TV show I just can’t quit it.
Well now that I have ranted I will leave you be. I miss you all and I miss ‘Murka (That is short for America, mommom!).

****All of the above photos are out of order. All you need to know is that the people, places and insects are all directly related to my life right now.

My National Geographic Month: October 2009

I have had an utterly random four weeks in “the nature” here in Panama. One evening while making a smashingly delicious dinner I heard a strange noise coming from the part of my house nearest the beach. I placed my fork and knife (yes, you read correctly I eat like an American when I am in my house!) on the table and peered out the door to see a MASSIVE possum eating an ENORMOUS toad. It was disgusting and awesome. I had no idea possums existed in this part of the world. The following day was quite rainy and overcast. I had been teaching all day, exhausted I returned to my house for a cat nap of sorts. As I approached my hammock I saw the most shocking creature I have ever seen in my life – an armadillo. FACT. The little guy was rummaging for food or only God knows what…all over my yard. My shock quickly turned into disgust and latter into the amazement of a small child so I proceeded to follow the little guy around my yard trying to take his picture. Yes, I am assuming it is a male…it is SO UGLY. Haha. **Side memory for Tim: “Leonardo Dicaprio is NOT attractive at all. – Marta. I know! Why are so many people obsessed with him, in most of his films he is so ugly. – Me. Several Minutes later… Oh My God! Tim you look just like Leonardo Dicarprio there! – Marta and I (watching The Departed) – Wow. Thanks guys. That is just freakin’ awesome. YOU JUST SAID HE IS UNATTRACTIVE. You guys suck. Sorry for getting off track there. So, the armadillo has been a staple in my yard and a welcome change to herds of dogs that smell like crap. A few days later cockily sure that nothing else could shock me in the natural world that is my front yard I saw three baby raccoons on the beach in front of my house! They were adorable, so tiny and … raccoon –like for lack of a better description. I did not expect to see anything like that down here. Monkeys, snakes, spiders I was ready for, I have seen sloths as adults and babies, but possums and raccoons?? Armadillos?!! Yet another night while eating my dinner I saw a rather large leaf in my window. I thought it strange for some reason and wanted to move it, as I touched it, it moved! It was not a leaf by any means it was in fact a cockroach the size of my hand, fingers included. I just threw up in my mouth writing about it. It was so big I did not want to kill it with my machete because I knew it would be a mess so I used bug spray. Twenty minutes later the stupid bug FINALLY died. The picture I put up is the poor guy on his deathbed. ADIOS SUCKA!
Not too much changing down here. I have been teaching too much English and am getting worn out. I still love it here. Although there are no sick days in the Peace Corps this truly is a 24 hour 7 days a week gig. I was on my deathbed (karma anyone?) the other day with the worst head cold I have had since high school. People still visited me and proceeded to hang around for hours at a time. My two twin all-stars were my favorites of the day because we just played cards and cracked open coconuts in my yard for snacks. These little kids know how to handle a machete let me tell you! Unbelievable.

Other than that it has been raining a dangerous amount and our "road" is non-existent right now. So I am reading too much and making way tooooo many bracelets!

Becoming One With Nature.

I have successfully killed 20 scorpions, 7 tarantulas and countless cockroaches and other creatures this past week living on my own. I saw a shark when I was swimming off the pier the other day, that was awesome. There was an earthquake a few nights ago, being true to who I am, I slept through it! Last night there was a crazy thunderstorm and the thunder alone woke me up three time, literally shaking my bed.
The best description I have of my life right now: I am a mix of Rambo, Tom Hanks in Cast Away and the super white English teacher from every generic movie of teaching in a poor community. I go buck wild on animals/critters in and outside of my house, with my beloved machete. And then I crack open a coconut and drink the milk from it on my hammock overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Oh, I also have lots of work I am doing, I promise.
I am teaching five days a week in two schools and have a separate class with the professors to improve their English skills. I am also working with the Tourism Committee on different business plans and budgeting for upcoming festivals.
The elementary school had a competition the other day between five other communities and we won!!! I cooked chicken and rice as well as potato salad for the kids and teachers. It was so much fun.
I have running water, most of the time. I have electricity, most of the time. I went on a walk through the jungle the other day and saw three different types of monkeys, they were adorable. I LOVE THEM. I also saw tons of humongous spiders. They looked so awesome, I couldn't even be scared due to their fascinating color schemes. Needless to say, I am learning to embrace the nature world around me. My fears are slowly subsiding...amazing what weaponry can do.
All that being said, I love my life here. I miss everyone from home. And my fantasy football team is sub-par as of this past week. Things BEST turn around.
The End.

P.S. Pictures of the elementary school, teachers and students. And the inside of my house on the beach. Yes, I live alone. My hammock, my machete and quick point of reference I lay in my hammock facing the beach. :)

Panamanamanmanamanama

Pizza Hut. No matter where I go, I want pizza. I say Pizza Hut because I somehow crave greasy food when all I eat is greasy food. I would settle for any kind of NYC pizza, Trenton pizza…you know, the World’s finest.
If you are wondering how I am doing, I am very well. A few minor health issues here or there, normal stuff. And I would give my mental health an A+ at this point in my Panamanian adventure. I have made some pretty hilarious friendships in my community and as time passes I find myself a tad bit too comfortable here. Almost two months in and I am in love with these people, two years from now – I don’t want to know how hard it is going to be to leave.
Some significant changes:
1. I eat everything with my hands or a spoon. Forks and knives have evaporated from my hands.
2. My Spanish vocabulary is incredibly limited due to a lack of descriptive words in my community and seemingly all of Panama. Every type of shirt, for example, is coined “sweater”. (This has led to an increase in my English vocabulary because I am reading more than ever before so as to NOT describe all my belongings with one or two words.)
3. I am never in a rush anymore. EVER. And if I am honest with myself I have actually become tardy. “It’s the culture” hahaha. Way to set an example, right? Eh, I will just do what they do instead…way to go Gretch.
4. I swim with shorts and a tank top on because that is what Panamanians do.
5. I find myself going a whole day without drinking water and then I pay for it later. That is when I realize, I am not Panamanian and some “adjustments” can never be made. I need to drink water, unlike my community members.
6. I kill scorpions with my machete.
7. I cut my "lawn" with my machete.
8. I open the coconuts in my front yard with my machete.
9. I also kill chickens with my machete and eat them.
10. I have come to love my machete.
There are more but I will end it here. Over all I enjoy dancing randomly, making fun of myself and eating way too much fried food. The thunderstorms here are awesome so I am in Heaven – rain on a zinc roof is awesome. I have always wanted it and here it is. Some of the best gifts are rainy days; the perfect excuse for solitude and a good book in my hammock.
I have gone fishing a few times there are some crazy creatures in this part of the Pacific. And some of my fisherman friends are just as crazy! We do not use fishing poles - we use fishing line, hooks and our hands. I helped out with a Reinita competition, which was between towns in one district. The little girl, Genesis from my community won! It was awesome and because I am the white girl they asked me to crown her. It was cute. She will go on to compete to be queen of her province now. It is a big deal and awesome for our little pueblo. All the participants had to wear dresses they made out of paper - so creative and adorable.

The ants go marching thousands by thousands in Panama!

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Have you ever looked at a line of ants working on something and wondered what their interactions are like? Like does ant #1992384 in the line think that ant #1948385 is super attractive and maybe he wants to ask her over to his anthill to watch a movie? Or maybe ant #13841274 sweats a lot when he works (like an American in Panama) and gets made fun of because the rest of the ants don’t sweat at all (like most Panamanians). Or maybe on is cross-eyed and has a difficult time figuring out how to obtain the leave that is obviously in front of him. Can you imagine if ants had social nets works like humans? Jessica, the ant has a clique with all her ant friends, they are the cool group. It is hard to associate with them because they are so exclusive. I am assuming they don’t because they accomplish and they all work together. And when you kill one, they all freak out.
I promise, I am not losing my mind or anything like that, I just have more time to focus on things like ants now. Or maybe it is just because there are so many freakin’ insects here!
*Definitely saw the biggest cockroach in the history of humanity on my floor last night. Awesome. It was like the size of a small dog, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!! So I popped a sleep meds and passed out. Yep, sometimes it is better to not address the reality in front of your face!

I can’t believe it August already! My time is starting to pick up speed already, which frightens me a bit. There is plenty of work to be done and I have already started most of it. After talking to some of my friends in other communities, it appears that my ‘over-achiever’ mode has been turned on. It is nice to feel semi- busy, whatever that means here. Things are so relaxed it is hard to feel as though you are getting things done if compared to the way things run in the USA. I realize that I cannot compare my previous jobs to this…at all. The rate of progress here is relative and has to be put into perspective. I am teaching quite a bit and working in the school in small stints. Overall I really am starting to fit in here well. It is not so much a feeling of people laughing at me, more with me as I am trying to practice Spanish the way they speak it here. My meals consist of rice and pasta, together and some meat…all of which I eat with a spoon. Now you might be puzzled by this, trust me I was as well initially but it is quite simple – you shovel mass amounts of food in your mouth at once. Trust me it is not pretty and it leads to me eating much more than intended. Go figure, me eating too much at once. (Amanda get that smirk off your face, I try to breath between bites).
I am going to the director of the school’s house for her birthday this weekend. I am excited to get out and meet some new people. She is really great and I have enjoyed getting to know her. It is nice to have someone relatively in my age range to spend time with that is motivated and interested in similar things.
It has been raining a lot at night so they turn the electricity off without warning. So my host brother and I have dance parties in the dark with flashlights. I will leave you with that mental image for now! Until next time…

***the pictures above are of my 2 year old friends that wake me up every morning waiting to play. haha. They are hilarious. One is very tough, the other is a pansy...I am pretty sure you can figure out who is who. And the other picture is of the space where I teach English classes to my Tourism Group.

The Many Hats Time Wears…

It is nearly a week away from August. I cannot believe I have been in Panama for over three months already. To think I missed yet another summer in New Jersey or the experience of summertime in Telluride baffles me at this moment. It was a strange realization, as seasons here really do not exist. Sure, scientifically speaking there is the dry season and the rainy season. All I know is that it is hot and humid every single day. Some nights it rains and some days there is a slight breeze on and off. The Tide switches weekly here, or has managed to so far. I do not know anything about Tide patterns but am ready to learn.
The seemingly simple tasks are what I have been finding the most delight in, going for a walk. Never in my life has walking been so therapeutic! When I think about earlier school years or college there were so many things I took for granted. Alone time is a troubling juxtaposition at this point in my life, for example. The delight of finding a moment to yourself and at the very same time a, at times, frightening reality that you are completely alone everyday… and then you realize – You are not alone, you are on your own. I make my own schedule now. I am the boss of Gretchen Christine Shaub, strange isn’t it? I have people here and with more time friendships will take form like those I have had with people throughout my entire life, just in Spanish this time. Haha. That brings me back to my previous thought. Appreciating my ability to take a long walk alone on an empty beach, lined with palm trees and beautiful rocks. To sit in a palm tree and look out into oblivion to decompress. There is something to be said for having peace of mind and an appreciation for where you are.
There is drama in my community like any other place in the world we choose to live. Someone doesn’t like “so and so” and refuses to work with them, and so it begins. Public Relations 101, and trust me it is not fun. I love working with people and find great joy in analyzing personalities, making acquaintances and small talk. It is EXHAUSTING to do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It has been a nice reality check for this Psychology Major, wanna-be counselor. I have not been here long and already am being push and pulled to either side of the community. Learning subtle alliances, friendships as well as dislikes. And all the while I am told to remain neutral, trust me I do my best.
My sense of humor is completely intact and I am in higher spirits than not. I find, as of late, that I have changed quite a bit more than expected. My goals for life after Peace Corps no longer matter. My heart is worn on my sleeve every day of my life here and I allow myself to experience things completely. I am much more levelheaded and rational as a person. Maybe this place has had a calming affect on me, casting me into a new place of maturity that comes with experience and patience or maybe I am just changing at the rate I would no matter what I could be doing at this point in my life. All I know for sure is that I am happy where I am. I mean, who wouldn’t? 

I have become Ralph from Lord of the Flies...

These are pictures of my future house on the beach. It is concrete and then the rancho is basically my front porch facing the ocean. The next picture is of one of the two year old's in my community that follows me everywhere. The teacher/director of the primary school, Gladis. And my gang of friends who just happen to be 11-13 year old boys. haha. They are awesome!