America The Beautiful…I Left You Once Again.

I had a whirlwind visit at home. Time moves so much faster in America. In all honestly, it was completely overwhelming. Wonderful to see people – horrifying to realize how disconnected I’ve been this last year. The music, electronics, cars, labels, and advertisements… you get the picture. Things just don’t move like that down here when I am in my hammock or teaching English. When all is said and done, Tim’s graduation was great, Amanda flew out from Colorado to visit (So Awesome!) and Cait and Alan’s wedding was gorgeous. It was so perfect to begin and end my trip with two meaningful events. And I am very grateful that things seem to be going well for everyone up North!

Coming back I dealt with more shock, of course, just as I get my feet on the ground again. Jeeze. Can’t a girl catch a break here guys?! I fell right back into Peace Corps work with the new training group and one year medical exams. Don’t worry I passed inspection. Surprise! All the engines are running full steam ahead. I finally got back to my community and was so excited to see my puppy and my people! It was strange to feel an immediate parallel with my life at home. Nothing has changed here at all in a month and after a week at home I felt the same way, not much had changed. Sure, the superficial things change but people are still who they are, for the most part. OK, Twitch and Tiger (our senior year kittens) are MASSIVE, domestic BEASTS living on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. I jokingly gave Kari and Fran a hard time about how fat the cats are, but seriously, they are the biggest cats I think I have ever seen. (Taken into account that they live in a very tiny apartment might add to the illusion…the verdict is still out on that one.)   Anyway, like I was saying, the fundamental things, the core our lives revolve around does not alter all that much and that brings me peace. There are so many times I feel so disconnected in terms of family, friends and life in general in the States. It was reassuring to know that everyone has a version of Ground Hog’s Day in the USA as well.

This week we had a few parties in the school, a fundraiser and then a Father’s Day celebration. There was a Reinita (Little Queen) contest between the elementary schools on my peninsula and some native Panamanian dances. I have attached photos for your viewing pleasure. I also attached a photo of yet another snake I have had to kill in my house. Rainy season is in full affect and I have yet to chop down the tall grass around my house so the suckers feel free to roam. This little guy was ballsy enough to enter my house the other morning. He was met not with coffee and eggs; he was met with my MACHETE. Yeah, I capitalized it to emphasize just how AWESOME it is, so don’t scoff at me people. One can lose their life out here in the jungle if they’re not careful…or don’t carry their MACHETE!!!!

All right enough of the crazy talk. Nothing else too bit or exciting going on down here…I am just teaching a ton of English right now and training teachers. We shall see how year two ends up.

Children, Pets and More Wildlife.

So, the top picture is an update on some of my best buddies in my village. I love them. Underneath is a different picture of my community...the road leaving town! And my baby boy, Lincoln. He is growing so fast. Another update, I adopted a kitten, the black one, and named her Shadow. Her official name is John Wilkes Booth. The stripped kitten is one of her brothers, adopted by Myles...his name is Scout. He is currently raising Shadow for me since I will be out of the COUNTRY in less than 10 days. WOOHOO. I am glad she will be in good hands.

Things are going well. Working a ton in my community and with Peace Corps in general. The new group of volunteers arrived and we have begun training. I like all of them and hope they all enjoy it here as much as I have come to enjoy it.

And, as has been previously noted I am overjoyed to be coming home soon!

A little self reflection never hurts, right?

My point of no return has arrived. Funny how something can linger in the air around you and you know very well that it is there, yet you try to keep it at bay by ignoring its very existence. It’s like an eavesdropper in a restaurant in the middle of an intimate moment. Sure, you ignore that person but that does not mean they are not there, sipping their coffee, making incredibly awkward eye contact as you spill your heart out on the table in front of you. Well, that thing happens to be less concrete than a human being, it happens to be my future. Now this is not to say that I have not always had things in mind for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am not only a dreamer, I am also a planner. It has just been more fun in the last two or so years to simply take things as they come and enjoy “being young”.


There are times I sit in my hammock here and really try to materialize in my mind’s eye what my life will look like two years from now. And I can honestly say that it changes every single time I try. What a frustrating reality. Sure for some people it is exciting and refreshing. For some people I am different, more adventurous at times, somewhat of a risk taker…I aspire to be those things. In reality I am just a young woman stuck in between two clashing worlds that both have what she wants. I am 23 years old; I am still a baby but not a baby at all. To make this a bit more clear: I do not have enough years under my belt to be truly wise and I have too many years tallied up to be considered young and naïve overall. Thus, admittedly I am at a point in my life where my decisions are not only exciting, they are a tad bit scary. Asking myself what I want no longer consists of an answer like “I want to be a vet or a pilot or an interior designer or a therapist…” it is all-encompassing now. When I think about what I want to do professionally it is not all about the money anymore. It is not about a title, nor is it about location, location, location – it is more than that.

The exciting and scary part about finally paying attention to that annoying eavesdropper is that I am able to clarify who I am and who I want to be. My time in Panama has offered me a great deal of self-reflection. All of the previously stated, enticing aspects of professional life are things that matter but not enough. Right now they are not enough for me to run back to school for an extra title. They are not enough for me settle for less than the whole package. The thing is, I realize that whatever I decide to do has to be something I believe in. I have to love what I do and I have to know that I am doing something beneficial for people outside of myself. I have realized that much about myself thus far. I am a passionate person and it has taken me a long time to realize how to control my passion in order to use it productively. When I retire I want to be able to look back on my career and know that I loved what I did beyond the day-to-day ups and downs of work. I am drastically closer to that place right now than I ever have been in my life. I am excited when I think about my possibilities even given our current circumstances, to me that says it all. Being a volunteer on my own has offered me a freedom I would not otherwise have known and I needed this freedom. Creativity and time to fail has been the best recipe for me this past year. I feel more calm and collected about my future now. There is no longer this underlying pressure to have the right answer or the more impressive goal – I am in love with my life and that is what matters to me.

Vulnerability has always made me twitch. Just the thought of really sharing myself completely freaks me out…things change, so can I. Thus I post this entry, in an attempt to be more than sarcastic about what is going on with me down here. Things are up and down, high and low every day AND I LOVE IT. I am growing and learning so much sometimes I feel like my brain and heart will explode at the same time. It is a pretty amazing feeling and I can only pray that every person can have the same feelings at least once in their lives.

En fin, I am happy, healthy, peaceful and SO EXCITED TO COME HOME IN LESS THAN A MONTH!!!!

Lettie and the Free Garden...

So, Mommom decided she wants to go to a garden we passed the previous day during our coffee tour. I say, "Sounds awesome - after I take a NAP." Poppop says, "Lettie don't even bother asking me, I don't want to watch you take more pictures of trees and rocks you will never remember." I laugh. A LOT. Mommom tries to convince us that she does not ONLY take pictures of rocks and trees. 
I succeed in my nap-taking abilities, and as I am in and out of sleep I hear Lettie and Bill bickering about which direction the garden is...I briefly wake up to realize she has grown impatient, deciding to take the journey to the free garden without me. Great, I get back under the comforter and SLEEP. HARD. Five Minutes Go By... and mommom is back in room only to make sure Poppop knows he was wrong. Sure, she could have backtracked and continued in her pursuit to find the free garden. That was not possible, not on this day, not ever - she had to let him know there was NOTHING down the road to the LEFT, Bill. At this point I can no longer slumber peacefully. I know it is my duty to get my lazy behind out of bed, it is my duty to take Mommom to the land of flowers. It is my duty because I remembered the way very well.
In the end we found the garden, we took pictures and enjoyed an early evening breeze. Lettie made me pose, as is to be expected. Surprisingly enough, she posed for me as well! Way to go Lettie Lou! There were many highlights from their wonderful visit but I will only share a few with my audience (the rest are my memories for now!): Poppop singing everything Mommom said to him instead of replying. Poppop pretending to be a blind beggar. Poppop telling the tour guide that he is going to send in his resume because he is agile and excited to make a dollar for every five gallon bucket of coffee beans he fills. Mommom trying to shoot the moon every single time we played Hearts and Poppop stopping her nine times out of ten! (Let the record show that she is almost as bad of a loser and my mother and myself for that matter.)
The week flew by and I am sad they are already gone. We had a marvelous time and I got to take hot showers! Woohoo. 

...Until next time...

March: Puppy Love, Friends Visit, Lettie and Bill Take Panama By Storm.

The photo directly above is my Poppop in our hotel pretending to be a blind beggar. Awesome. 

      March started off with a bang. I got my physical and mental health back on track, first and foremost. I finally got to bring my puppy down to my house. Talk about amazing. I am not all alone anymore, although it is scary how much I feel like my mother now - I talk to that dog more than I talk to my family or friends. His name is Lincoln. He is 3 months old and he is my mountain mutt. The extreme heat and humidity has already made me more lackadaisical than I was in the US of A, that being said training Lincoln is not going very well at the moment. I let him run wild and pretty much learn the lay of the land. He is me incarnate. It is frightening. He barks to much, I talk to much. He runs a mile a minute and then sleeps like he is in a coma. He is obnoxious and incredibly curious. And he eats more than I can afford to provide for him! Needless to say, we are a match made in Heaven or Hell, you decide. 
      A couple friends from Telluride made their way to my community a week ago. Alyse and Laura! It was so great to see some familiar faces. I showed them around my village and my friend Maria cooked an amazing fish and plantain dinner. We parted ways once my Mommom and Poppop flew into my part of the country on Friday. We actually met up again because they stayed a couple nights in Boquete where I am with my grandparents! It is great to see Lettie Lou and Wild Bill. They are hilarious and I think I have cried laughing too many times to count already! (They have been with me for two days now). Other than getting huge welts on my legs from bug bites yesterday everything has been great. Mommom has been helping me with a huge project I have undertaken with the schools in my area of Panama. Poppop has been a constant source of dry humor and entertainment. I had to translate everything on a coffee tour yesterday. The guide was shocked they did not speak Spanish. Go figure. Poppop said he would send in his resume, he wants to pick the coffee beans. He also spoke his gibberish "Spanish" and has been telling Mommom her Spanish will NEVER be as good as his. After all, he is a master of all. 
      We head to the beach tomorrow! I hope these bites go down. I look like I have tumors in my legs - NOT COOL. I do have hot water, great food, great company, air conditioning and a blow dryer here...so, all in all, things are looking up. I feel half way to being clean again. It is alright, I am coming home earlier than planned in May to be able clean my act up. 
      I have quite a bit of work to do these days in my community and with Peace Corps in general. It is nice to feel a bit more busy because I was getting sick of having so much time to contemplate my life and future. GROSS. haha. More to come this week from my adventures with the Ritners.