The ants go marching thousands by thousands in Panama!

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Have you ever looked at a line of ants working on something and wondered what their interactions are like? Like does ant #1992384 in the line think that ant #1948385 is super attractive and maybe he wants to ask her over to his anthill to watch a movie? Or maybe ant #13841274 sweats a lot when he works (like an American in Panama) and gets made fun of because the rest of the ants don’t sweat at all (like most Panamanians). Or maybe on is cross-eyed and has a difficult time figuring out how to obtain the leave that is obviously in front of him. Can you imagine if ants had social nets works like humans? Jessica, the ant has a clique with all her ant friends, they are the cool group. It is hard to associate with them because they are so exclusive. I am assuming they don’t because they accomplish and they all work together. And when you kill one, they all freak out.
I promise, I am not losing my mind or anything like that, I just have more time to focus on things like ants now. Or maybe it is just because there are so many freakin’ insects here!
*Definitely saw the biggest cockroach in the history of humanity on my floor last night. Awesome. It was like the size of a small dog, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!! So I popped a sleep meds and passed out. Yep, sometimes it is better to not address the reality in front of your face!

I can’t believe it August already! My time is starting to pick up speed already, which frightens me a bit. There is plenty of work to be done and I have already started most of it. After talking to some of my friends in other communities, it appears that my ‘over-achiever’ mode has been turned on. It is nice to feel semi- busy, whatever that means here. Things are so relaxed it is hard to feel as though you are getting things done if compared to the way things run in the USA. I realize that I cannot compare my previous jobs to this…at all. The rate of progress here is relative and has to be put into perspective. I am teaching quite a bit and working in the school in small stints. Overall I really am starting to fit in here well. It is not so much a feeling of people laughing at me, more with me as I am trying to practice Spanish the way they speak it here. My meals consist of rice and pasta, together and some meat…all of which I eat with a spoon. Now you might be puzzled by this, trust me I was as well initially but it is quite simple – you shovel mass amounts of food in your mouth at once. Trust me it is not pretty and it leads to me eating much more than intended. Go figure, me eating too much at once. (Amanda get that smirk off your face, I try to breath between bites).
I am going to the director of the school’s house for her birthday this weekend. I am excited to get out and meet some new people. She is really great and I have enjoyed getting to know her. It is nice to have someone relatively in my age range to spend time with that is motivated and interested in similar things.
It has been raining a lot at night so they turn the electricity off without warning. So my host brother and I have dance parties in the dark with flashlights. I will leave you with that mental image for now! Until next time…

***the pictures above are of my 2 year old friends that wake me up every morning waiting to play. haha. They are hilarious. One is very tough, the other is a pansy...I am pretty sure you can figure out who is who. And the other picture is of the space where I teach English classes to my Tourism Group.

The Many Hats Time Wears…

It is nearly a week away from August. I cannot believe I have been in Panama for over three months already. To think I missed yet another summer in New Jersey or the experience of summertime in Telluride baffles me at this moment. It was a strange realization, as seasons here really do not exist. Sure, scientifically speaking there is the dry season and the rainy season. All I know is that it is hot and humid every single day. Some nights it rains and some days there is a slight breeze on and off. The Tide switches weekly here, or has managed to so far. I do not know anything about Tide patterns but am ready to learn.
The seemingly simple tasks are what I have been finding the most delight in, going for a walk. Never in my life has walking been so therapeutic! When I think about earlier school years or college there were so many things I took for granted. Alone time is a troubling juxtaposition at this point in my life, for example. The delight of finding a moment to yourself and at the very same time a, at times, frightening reality that you are completely alone everyday… and then you realize – You are not alone, you are on your own. I make my own schedule now. I am the boss of Gretchen Christine Shaub, strange isn’t it? I have people here and with more time friendships will take form like those I have had with people throughout my entire life, just in Spanish this time. Haha. That brings me back to my previous thought. Appreciating my ability to take a long walk alone on an empty beach, lined with palm trees and beautiful rocks. To sit in a palm tree and look out into oblivion to decompress. There is something to be said for having peace of mind and an appreciation for where you are.
There is drama in my community like any other place in the world we choose to live. Someone doesn’t like “so and so” and refuses to work with them, and so it begins. Public Relations 101, and trust me it is not fun. I love working with people and find great joy in analyzing personalities, making acquaintances and small talk. It is EXHAUSTING to do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It has been a nice reality check for this Psychology Major, wanna-be counselor. I have not been here long and already am being push and pulled to either side of the community. Learning subtle alliances, friendships as well as dislikes. And all the while I am told to remain neutral, trust me I do my best.
My sense of humor is completely intact and I am in higher spirits than not. I find, as of late, that I have changed quite a bit more than expected. My goals for life after Peace Corps no longer matter. My heart is worn on my sleeve every day of my life here and I allow myself to experience things completely. I am much more levelheaded and rational as a person. Maybe this place has had a calming affect on me, casting me into a new place of maturity that comes with experience and patience or maybe I am just changing at the rate I would no matter what I could be doing at this point in my life. All I know for sure is that I am happy where I am. I mean, who wouldn’t? 

I have become Ralph from Lord of the Flies...

These are pictures of my future house on the beach. It is concrete and then the rancho is basically my front porch facing the ocean. The next picture is of one of the two year old's in my community that follows me everywhere. The teacher/director of the primary school, Gladis. And my gang of friends who just happen to be 11-13 year old boys. haha. They are awesome!

July 7- July 13 “Look the doll is going swimming in the Ocean!”

Things took a drastic turn mid-week when I decided to be a big girl and embraced the awkwardness that is my life right now. I went to the school and talked to the director/teacher for grades 4-6 just to get to know her a bit better in an informal setting. We talked for a few hours and had a great time. She is young, energetic and very excited to learn English from me. WOW. Who would have imagined? She answered all my inner questions about how I am supposed to reach Peace Corps goals of sustainable development. We set up class times so I can teach her English and I am going to observe her classes for a couple weeks before I begin teaching. Amazing. Afterwards we had snacks and chatted about the community and being far from our families. She lives in the school during the week since she is single and her family lives 3 hours outside of the community. She definitely understands my loneliness and sadness, as she feels the same at times. It is especially hard for her seeing as she is Panamanian and in their culture families are incredibly close. Children from the community started to trickle by and we decided to play basketball…eventually we had enough kids and started a baseball game. It was so much fun!
I have started to venture out on my own more and more. Running on the beach, swimming with the boys that live near me. There is an adorable group of 10-14 year olds that all want to play with me all the time. It is very comforting. So we swim, play cards, play soccer…they help me with my Spanish and I with their English. Everyday I become more independent and that much more excited for my life here.
Quick laugh for you all: When we were walking to the beach a few days ago a man yelled at me, asking where I was going. I told him I was going to swim. He promptly informed 5 houses surrounding his that, “the doll is going swimming in the ocean”, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.
Today my host family and I cleaned the little house on the beach that I will be living in for the next two years. It was so much fun! We were barefoot mopping the floor, soaking it in water, soap and bleach. Killing cockroaches and termite nests in the rancho (my soon-to-be awesome front porch facing the ocean) I realized how far I have come. I killed a cockroach and didn’t care at all that it even existed. Saw two spiders and DID NOT kill them. I repeat, DID NOT KILL THEM. I merely encouraged them to leave the house. For those of you reading this that know me, understand just how MASSIVE an accomplishment this is for me.
Afterwards my host dad, mom and brother sat on a palm tree hanging over the beach in front of my house and looked at ships with binoculars. We talked about all the animals in their part of the ocean and the fishermen see when they are out to sea.
I am very lucky to have the family I do, as well as the community as a whole. They are wonderful people – my host dad is an incredibly genuine person. It is so refreshing to spend time with him. He is loving and caring with his family and has been a great friend to me. I really look forward to spending more time with him, he makes me want to be a better person. It is hard to articulate other than to say he is the type of person you want to be around all the time. He is positive, hardworking, constantly wanting to learn about the world, open-minded and has a kind heart. He exudes the essence of what life should look like no matter where you live in this enormous world.
Now that I have rambled on for paragraphs I will close with this statement: The quote, ‘jump and a net will appear’ has never become more apparent and tangible in my life than this past week. I hope that those who read my blog all have the opportunity to experience something as wonderful as this week has been for me on my little Peninsula in Panama…

*Sorry for some of the repeat pictures. The computer freaked out on me and wouldn't let me see what I had added. I hope you enjoy them, seeing as this is my home for the next two years. My next update will have pictures of my future house, I promise!

June 30- July 7 Speak English for 2 Weeks THEN Return to Your Community…HAH

We swore in on June 30 and the week before and after were together as a whole group. There were plenty of good times being had by all, seeing as we very rarely had the opportunity to see everyone from group 63. The saddest part was leaving our training community so abruptly. Our families didn’t understand why we were leaving the NEXT morning…selfishly we were all excited to be in a place with running water, air conditioning and windows!
After Swear In we had a final session for training in the city and then were given a few days to relax. Nearly our entire group of 46 people headed to the same beach. It was awesome! We got to relax and spend time together as adults, not trainees, not random “gringos” trying to learn Spanish. Haha. We could sit and have a meal, speak English and just be ourselves.
My birthday was amazing. My friends made it an incredibly special day, definitely ranks among top birthdays of all time. It definitely helped that everyone was so relaxed and happy to be with each other…and silently freaking out about leaving the next day for our communities solo!
I spent the night in a city on the way to my site with other volunteers in my group who are just as far out there as I am! It definitely made it difficult to go to my site after two weeks of fun and English. And the extra night, due to travel time, only added to the nervousness. I fell in love with my group and really did not want to leave any of them.
I showed up to the town closest to my community, about an hour away and the directora/teacher of the primary school and my community guide/host mom picked me up! It was nerve racking everything became so real, very quickly. All these emotions came flooding over me and I couldn’t distinguish one from the other.
I was happy to be starting my service, I was SO sad to leave my friends and I was so nervous. My Spanish had gotten worse, this only added to my nerves. I started worrying about how good of a volunteer I would be…would the people ever really get to know me? Do they want me here? Do they care that I am here? WHAT AM I DOING?! Two years and I don’t know anyone. How am I supposed to help them when I have so much to learn from them? When I got to the house, I crashed on my bed and slept for nearly 2 hours. A much needed rest considering my emotional exhaustion. Maria woke me up informing me that there was a party at the school for me; they threw me a birthday/ welcome to the community party! There was a dinner, cake, piñata, drinks, balloons, signs and people brought me birthday gifts. Totally mind blowing. These people are amazing.
I have been here for a week now and slowly I am starting to get hold of what things will be like. Everyday brings a different knot in my stomach and then I remember:
JUST BREATH, JUST BREATH
This is the hardest job I will ever love, right? Haha. My language is going to be stellar with a few more weeks. I am going to meet everyone with time and patience. I will form friendships and this will become my home. Just like every new place I have ever lived. Not having an exact schedule is so difficult. Not having a boss hovering, demanding specific work from you is incredibly hard as well. Ironic as it may sound, the flexibility can really start to get to you. Failure seems inevitable.
So, I have started to come up with miniature goals from week to week. Eventually these goals will become much larger and I will have a tangible project, however nothing can happen without the necessary relationships in place. It is scary and wonderful all at the same time when you realize just how important your relations with the people around you are…
I am going to learn so much about life here than I could have ever imagined when I applied for Peace Corps.

June 24, 2009-- Dance Monkey Dance…and if not at least sing for us.

Oh hey! I am alive and well. Still in Panama working for this government organization, Peace Corps. Yes, I am tall. Yes, I am white. Yes, I have blond hair and blue eyes. And yes, I do know how to speak Spanish.
I had my site visit this past week. It went well, I enjoy the people in my community and think I have the potential to do very well there. Lots of staring and talking about me instead of to me…until the conversationalists realized I knew Spanish. There were a plethora of awkward, ‘oh snap, she understands what we are saying’ moments shortly after this realization. Pretty hilarious in retrospect to tell the truth.
I am living on the boarder of Costa Rica in a community of about 500 people. The community is spread out along the beach and up a rather steep hill. Of course all three families that offered to host me my first three months live up the hill. Haha. I saw the house I will be living in on my own – cutest little house ever, on the beach!!! Very beautiful, super relaxing and on the edge of the community so it is much quieter than the rest of the community…
There are definitely going to be challenges but I am confident that I am the perfect person for this site. All in all my spirits are high and I am ready to start the next two years of service. Good thing too because our swear-in ceremony got pushed up 4 days. I suppose I was never meant to have a legitimate Peace Corps swear-in. One cool thing because of the changes – we get the Panamanian Vice President attending!
During my week at site I got to meet some interesting people in my community, to say the least. Everyone is outgoing and pretty freakin’ funny. Great personalities and a great view, what else can a girl ask for?! The teachers at the primary school made me sing the Star Spangled Banner for them, yeah, that’s right. They wanted me to dance initially and I diplomatically refrained from doing so. The singing could not be avoided seeing as I clearly know the Star Spangled Banner. It was hilarious for all of us.
I played Lo Sabes Todo with my host family for nearly 7 hours one day. It is the Panamanian version of Trivial Pursuit. (Yes, that is correct Colin Hunt, I played it and somehow managed NOT to freak out. Kari I expect you to share this with Colin, as I doubt highly that he will ever read this.) It was so much fun and an awesome help with new Spanish vocabulary. My training director is awesome and gave us an extra day off before having to be in our site in July. This means that I have my birthday free which I will be celebrating on the beach! I will be returning to my site on July 4th and was told that they are throwing me a welcome party on the 6th.
We are now back in Panama City getting ready for Swear In, to become Volunteers! A very exciting time, especially considering we have nice places to stay in with screens on the windows and internet!!! Panama is treating me well over all.

June 13 -- Maybe it’s the humidity…

Well, well, well attempt number 3 for this blog entry. I have typed up a few so far – all very funny, I might add. And all of them have been lost as my computer continues to have temper tantrums. Super Duper.
My patience is running low, like the snickers bar supply in the tienda thanks to me. I will attempt to fill you in on the last few weeks briefly.
Technical Week we went to a mountain community. It was only my Tourism and English Advising sector, we taught in the school one day and worked with an eco tourism group to improve their website and brochure. We also worked with the older students on a recycling project for the school. I stayed with 4 other trainees in a very interesting house; the older couple that owned the house were very into recycling and making art projects out of the things they recycle. The house is covered in dolls as well. And I am not talking cute, “remind you of childhood” kind of dolls. I am talking “bride of Chucky”, “welcome to the HOUSE OF A THOUSAND CORPSES” type dolls!!! OUT OF CONTROL! There were doll heads all over the yard, over the sink...I can’t really do the creepiness of this situation justice with written word. We also had to hike across a field of mud every night after it rained to get home. Needless to say we had to use a machete to get the mass amounts of mud caked to the bottom of our shoes off! At one point not one of us could physically pick their feet up while walking across the field…the mud was victorious.
Cultural week we were in the mountains on the Costa Rican boarder visiting an agriculture volunteer. We got to know some of the cultural norms for our region of the country and some that are common all over Panama. We killed a chicken and ate soon there after. As I was peeling carrots in a huge bowl a MASSIVE spider appeared. An apparently, incredibly dangerous spider, that thing was so big it could have been Maurade’s dog for all I know. It was HUGE. Absolutely freakin’ scary. I couldn’t move, I just huffed and pointed. The woman I was cooking with took her machete and hacked it into pieces. It was definitely a WELCOME TO PANAMA moment for me.
We went to a dairy farm and milked cows. Hmmm what else? We gave a talk in the school and the students preformed for us as well. I had the best host family ever. I miss them now, and definitely did not want to leave them. They were extremely sad to see me go as well. They were my language and everything Panamanian teachers and I was their Barbie doll. Haha. I laughed every minute I was with them.
Now all I am left with is a HORRID allergic reaction to the bug bites I got from that visit all over my legs and arms. Good thing I am not looking for a husband, right?! (Don’t worry Mommom, maybe someday I will settle down…maybe)
One highlight from the two weeks: the dance here is the Typico. The men during this dance shuffle their feet EXACTLY like my Poppop does when performing his famous “dancing feet”. It brought back awesome memories of Sunday night dinners at Poppop and Mommom’s house and made me chuckle to myself.
Tomorrow we meet our community member we will be traveling to our new communities with – all of us are nervous. It will be a fun conference and then we have a week in our new places! We get a chance to get to know the people and bring some of our things to leave for when we return in just a couple weeks. Training only consists of one more week once we return from our site visit. I can’t believe it is almost over! Second training in one year down, at least I feel pretty sure I will make it to Swear- In this time! Haha. (Better knock on wood real fast).
I will close with an apology: Sorry for the severe lack of pictures. Admittedly, I did not use my camera once during the past few weeks. I am not bringing it with me this coming week either. It is just too bulky. GET OVER IT. I will be living in my site for two years and will have plenty of time to share pictures then.
I love you all and miss you much.